Unsolicited Advice

Let's talk about advice people! Before we begin, we're going to break down the meaning of this two syllable word:
Ad - An Advertisement or A notice or announcement in a public medium promoting goods, services, etc.
Vice - Immoral or wicked behavior

Is this a very basic, raw description of the terminology at hand? Yes. But what are we without basics??? So here we are talking about a seemingly innocent word, which literally defined in terms means "Advertising immoral or wicked behavior." The actual definition of advice is "guidance or recommendations concerning future prudent action." Personally I feel as though both definitions apply to this lofty little word, it just depends on who is providing said advice.

When it comes to advice, friends can oftentimes work with you, and sometimes ... well, not so much. Don't get me wrong, I am certain that most of the time they mean well, but some of them can really screw with your head. And others do it to watch you squirm.

We'll take me for example: I have absolutely no idea where my life is going. Work, friends, potential love interests ... I have no idea what is going on with any of the aforementioned pieces of my exquisitely jumbled life. And if that isn't nerve wracking enough, throw in some good ole' "advice" and you have yourself a tremendous pile of $%*# to dig through. Because let's face it, not many people are going to tell you "everything is going to be okay". Most will get extreme pleasure in letting you know that life can suck to an overwhelming degree. Let me take a moment to extend a hardy "Thank you" to the miserable people who erased optimism from their vocabulary.

Moving on to the other side of this rather twisted spectrum. Some advice I have received has been wonderful ... sometimes impossible to follow, but wonderful nonetheless. Tidbits like "Go with the flow ... don't push things ... everything happens for a reason ..." are all upbeat and promote a healthier outlook than "Dude, you're totally getting used." Now it's not always possible to "go with the flow" or to believe that "everything happens for a reason." Because, we truly don't want to believe that there is a reason behind getting your heart broken or being laid off. A moral, maybe ... a lesson, sure ... but you never want to think there is a reason. It seems to harsh. When good things happen we are all about the "reason", we love the reason then. I digress.

In short, stop giving crappy advice people. If you don't know, be honest. Don't compare your situations because nothing is ever the same and sometimes reading past the lines can screw things up for everyone.

Until next time ...
xoxo

"We should be careful and discriminating in all the advice we give. We should be especially careful in giving advice that we would not think of following ourselves. Most of all, we ought to avoid giving counsel which we don't follow when it damages those who take us at our word."
- Adlai Stevenson

This evenings playlist:
Nine Inch Nails Year Zero

About Time

Timing is everything in this sweet little world we dwell in. Sometimes the Universe throws us a bone and everything comes together like a fine tuned symphony and other times things turn out so horribly that it makes you want to scream "REALLY?!?!" into the cosmos. If I had arrived at a scene a moment sooner or later than I had, would life as I know it be different? And if so, how drastically would that change the lives of the people I know? Perhaps it is all left to chance, even so, doesn't the variable of chance teeter on the concept of time?

With the consistent twists and turns my life has overcome, I frequently find myself questioning the concepts of time and destiny ... like when I'm noshing on a chocolaty treat in the mid-afternoon. And even more often I find myself doing a physical activity, like running, to clear my mind of all the incessant thoughts. Just the other day I explained to someone that I need to do things to stay out of my head ... it's not a safe place for anyone. I usually find that I am over-thinking things, over-analyzing situations and just plain overloading myself with unnecessary worry. In effect, I'm just plain wasting my time. I digress.

So in this complex space / time continuum are we in charge of where our destiny takes us or are we at the whim of the Universe? Should we be pumping our fists in the air when things don't go exactly as planned, when mere minutes can change everything we have worked so hard for? I believe we should be grateful for the time we've had, and that which lies ahead of us because in the end it's who we spent our time with and what we spent our time doing that is truly important.

Until next time -
xoxo

On my play list this evening:
Slow Dancing in a Burning Room - John Mayer
Flying High - Jem
Us of Lesser Gods - Flogging Molly
Stepping Stone - Duffy
I Will Possess Your Heart - Death Cab for Cutie
Colors - Amos Lee

The Hunt

As an almost 30 something single woman, I've come about many interesting scenarios ... but none more compelling than the world of dating. Which leads me to this one HUGE question: Where did chivalry go?

Once upon a time, gentlemen asked young women out on dates, opened the door, paid endearing compliments and occasionally brought flowers. Times have changed and they are scary. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the women's lib thing; however, some traditions are nice to uphold on the occasion (per say a first date or a special outing).

Since when did women become the hunters, the proverbial cavemen who pursued their potential mate? Why has this daunting task been thrown on our shoulders as yet another burden to bear? Is it not enough that we have to worry about how much we weigh, if our hair is properly done, if we smell nice, look nice, what we say, who we say it too, PMS ... the list goes on. Now we have to be in charge of date's as well. Which also leads to more stressful situations such as when you should call, what do you do if he doesn't call, waiting for his call ... it all kind of takes the fun out of dating. Something I had previously thought would be a little enjoyable is more like work than anything and causes more anxiety than a colonoscopy.

Honestly, I don't know how people do it. I've thought about giving up on the whole damn thing, but unfortunately I'm a mushy believer in love. Stupid love.

Ahhh. One day.

Until then ... xoxo

A note before bed

First and foremost, I need to say hi to everyone and apologize for my absence. The past month has been trying both professionally as well as personally. On the upside, I do have a ton to write about but not tonight I'm afraid. However, I will leave these few pieces of parting advice for the evening:

1. Never tell your boss he/she won't do something. Especially when it pertains to you. For example - "You won't tell our GM that the design looks great ... it's just his aging eyes." Because if you have a boss like mine, he/she will add that little tid bit of info as a Post Script (from you) on the next e-mail to the GM.

2. Never engage in a paper ball fight with your coworkers when standing outside the GM's door. Odds are, you are the only one he'll catch in the act ... even when you were just retaliating against the aforementioned boss.

3. Always suspect your best friend in the office. He/she is behind almost every office prank played on you. Like intercepting a fax for HR entitled "How to deal with trouble employees," putting a sticky note on it that says "I thought you might need this," and leaving it on your boss' chair.

Until next time.

xoxo

You Spin Me Right Round Baby ...

I often find myself in peculiar situations, like today when a fellow coworker apologized for not inviting me to his birthday party because he is celebrating it jointly with someone else that recently betrayed my trust and broke my heart. (Insert laughter here.)

Now, I feel I should elaborate on the phrase "broke my heart" because I feel too many people will take it as a purely romantic sentiment. Let me address this by stating that although romance did exist, that isn't what I mean by the previously stated idiom ... at least not entirely. To put it more precisely, I believed in this person, I felt blessed to be in their life and those sweet sentiments were returned to me without question until one day they just weren't. I regained faith once again to have it taken away without conversation or any regard for my feelings. In that respect, my heart was broken. It was elevated more so because this person, this individual I held in such high esteem, couldn't be bothered to take the time to tell me in person.

So here I am, trying to not explain the situation I am in to my poor friend who apparently can not invite me to his birthday and is caught in this awkward position because of something entirely too complex to clarify without telling him things he should not know. (Yes, you may want to take a few breaths and re-read that again a few times). Well, when all is said and done I had come to find out that he already knew the one sided details of the horrific last week of my life so I was left to give my side without falling into a million pieces. What makes it worse is this one question that was posed to me during the encounter, "Would you speak to him again if everything were to change?" How am I supposed to answer that? Logically, without a frigging doubt the answer is emphatically NO! But my heart, my heart says YES. My heart screams YES without question, without reason, without logic, because these things matter not to the heart. And in the end, emotion always triumphs matter. It may be stupid and insane but nonetheless I will always follow the instincts that pulled me through this wretched life and forced me to become who I am. Do not misunderstand, I will always be a follower of logic but I have found that sometimes you need to stop listening to the voice of reason and follow the desires you keep within. If I hadn't, I wouldn't be here now but I would be in a passionless marriage to a man who was in love with someone else. Now I know that may be someone's idea of fun, but I wanted more so I here I am. I know I want to be in love and to have someone who loves me as well ... and I will have that one day ... well, either love or a lot of cats. It's a toss-up. I'm still young, but I don't want to jinx it.

So, what I have learned hence far: I still have no idea where my life is heading or who my main players are. I don't really know what happened with the person I harbored such affection for and I don't know if I will ever find out. I can hope that one day he will come to his senses and actually hold a conversation with me ... but I won't hold my breath.

What I know: I'm a divorced, late-20 something who always wants to believe in love. I have a lot of time left to make my mark on this world and one day I hope I will have someone to go on this journey with me.

Until then ... here are some songs to take with you into the evening. I'll entitle it My soundtrack of the eventide.

"Let Go" - Frou Frou
"In The Waiting Line" - Zero 7
"Wish You Were Here" - Pink Floyd
"Grey Room" - Damien Rice
"Chasing Cars" - Snow Patrol
"Bittersweet Symphony" - Ace Enders and a Million Other People
"Lesbia" - Lucky Jim

Until next time - xoxo

Answers to questions

Because I don't feel like my usual blogging self I will simply answer the questions posed in my previous post by my dear Emily.

The insight I gained is a bit skewed. I thought it was one thing when I originally wrote the blog ... but now it is another. My insight is that I do not belong where I am ... I need something more to sustain my own personal well being. Don't get me wrong, I love certain aspects of my life, but one thing is for certain ... I will never find true love here in this little coastal paradise. Because, let's face it, this is a paradise for those already in love ... not for those seeking it.

The new friend: Is not promising. He was a facade. It took a couple of weeks but I found that he, much like many other's I have met here, are not what they market themselves to be. The sad part is that I fell for his alter ego once before and I foolishly allowed myself to believe that this person transformed into a new, honest individual. But just like all the rest, he played me for the hopeless romantic I am and left me out to dry in the same exact manner he did the last time. Well, almost. At least before he had the tenacity to actually tell me. This time I received an e-mail. A "Thanks for playing but I think I'll go with option B" e-mail. So, my dear Emily, it seems as though I spoke too soon in the prior blog. I held onto hope with no payoff.

So I leave you with these questions:
How many times does one need to have their heart broken before they give up on the concept completely?
When do you know where you truly belong?
Who do you trust?

And once again I will quote Nietzche for this "important friend":
"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you”
-Friedrich Nietzsche

Until next time.
xoxo

Where to begin

Welcome to 2009. Don't forget to pick up your complimentary commemorative tote on your way out ...

I was stupidly hoping that 2009 would eventually dissolve the memories of 2008 and with it my life would begin anew. Then I decided that believing in fairy tales and Santa Claus may actually pay off more in the end. Did I think that everything was going to be magical? Did I want to believe in my Christmas / New Year's miracle? Sadly, the answer is yes. Am I being extremely pessimistic and unreasonable ... well, the answer there is probably yes as well. I did gain some insight with the beginning of this New Year and a very important friend as well.

Things have changed once again ... and if I want to survive in this world I need to adapt to that change ... and relatively quickly. However, something is still missing. I guess that's what 2009 is all about ... finding that missing piece of the puzzle. So here's to everyone finding their missing piece(s).